Finding the Courage: PYL In-Flight: Apr 9, 2025
Welcome Back My Confident Passengers:
After spending a fantastic weekend in Paris, we are now settling into our time in Bordeaux. The weather is amazing and the location of our flat is incredible, but it’s not all unicorns and cuddly puppies. We are working through some internet/WiFi issues that have consumed more than a little time. Zeke found us a coworking space that we are planning to use tomorrow, assuming we can find a way to make reservations for the one near the public garden.
I am having him deal with that (I tried but ended up going in circles) along with the internet issue at the flat. I’m also having him deal with things that make me uncomfortable when we are out and about.
I carry a lot of the emotional, administrative, and mental load in our family and relationship and realized that the imbalance makes me very cranky. I also realized that I don’t have to do it all, contrary to the bill of goods I was sold as a GenX girl/woman.
It feels quite freeing to let go and let him (yes, it’s a bit of a play on Mel Robbins’ book The Let Them Theory). I can’t believe I didn’t realize this sooner.
There’s a lot about what we do when we travel that is intimidating to me and yet I just push through because I don’t want anything to hold me back from a complete experience. But what if I don’t need to experience every little thing?
As a privileged, able bodied, middle class, white guy, there’s not much that intimidates Zeke. He wasn’t raised with the expectation to be perfect. Research shows that boys/men are rewarded for effort while girls/women are rewarded for outcome. It’s no wonder we put so much pressure on ourselves; a patriarchal society and culture conditioned us to think and behave the way we do.
I’m not going to be able to get over that over night but what I can do, and started doing, was to ask Zeke to do some things to lighten my load. At lunch yesterday, I wasn’t sure if we needed to pay inside at the register or wait for the bill (l’addition) at the table so I asked Zeke to go in and check. He paid inside and we were on our way. We need directions somewhere? He’s now doing the navigation. I can do all of these things but I don’t have to.
He can carry the groceries. He can clean up the flat and do dishes. He can get up and pour me a glass of wine. He too can talk the kids off the ledge.
This also got me thinking about how nice it is to have a travel buddy to share not just the experience, but the burden of the challenges that one faces when traveling.
When I am not feeling bold, I can steal a bit of Zeke’s confidence to bolster my own. If we make a mistake, it’s us making it, not just me. I HAVE NOT FAILED. If we have a success, we can share that too.
Our youngest has spent the semester in Paris and unlike last semester when they had a close friend from the program, along with an amazing host family, this semester is different and they don’t really have a buddy. Our kid is very capable of doing it all on their own, most of the time, but it can be exhausting to carry the full load. While in Paris, it became clear that their experience has been limited somewhat due to the lack of extra support. This makes me more than a little sad, but it’s been a great opportunity for learning and growth.
The travel that we do introduces a lot of new challenges and experiences, all of which can be exhausting. A lot of basic things take extra effort…reading signs, crossing streets, navigating narrow cobblestone sidewalks, avoiding cyclists, using a strange kitchen, finding light switches, grocery shopping, and even deciding what to have for dinner (because of said grocery shopping and a foreign kitchen).
I’m trying to speak French whenever I can which is a brain drain (and a confidence boost!). That’s not something Zeke can contribute to but what he can do is use Google translate to assist when we are struggling to communicate with people here in France and I don’t have to feel like a failure for not having been able to do it all in French. This can be a team sport.
Why it’s taken me this long to realize this I do not know but we are going to give this a try and see what comes of it. Hopefully this will make me feel less pressure and therefore less cranky so I can enjoy all that this adventure has to offer.
Once again, just because I can do it all, doesn’t mean I have to, all the time.
May you find peace, acceptance, and love today as you navigate being human.
With much love and gratitude,
Terri
This week’s song: Hand In My Pocket by Alanis Morissette. It took a bit to find just the right song for today’s In-Flight. I searched for GenX women singer icons that had songs tied into this week’s theme and this song came up. The lines “I’m brave but I’m chicken shit’ and “no one’s got it figured out just yet” seem to fit perfectly.
Journal Prompt: How can someone else take on something in your life that is a burden to you but would be pretty easy for them? Who do you take courage from?
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