Pronoid Versus Paranoid: PYL In-Flight: Oct 7, 2024
Welcome Back My Optimistic Passengers:
I don’t know about you, but I’ve been on high alert the last eight years, ever since TFG (the former guy or the fucking guy…take your pick) was elected.
Parenting young adults has proven to be a lot more challenging than anyone ever let on about, and then there was Covid. It’s been a lot for most of us and I am struggling to reset my nervous system to not look for, or expect, the next problem or catastrophe. I may have ‘little t trauma’ but the trauma response is real.
I heard the term ‘pronoid’ a few months ago and I’ve been playing with being less paranoid and more optimistic about, well, everything. Pronoid may not be an actual word in the OED but the sentiment is valid.
Yesterday at brunch with my parents, I decided to settle into the experience rather than focus on my extended and overwhelming To Do list that I obsess over to pretend I have control over something in my life. It was a gorgeous morning, and we had a lovely time brunching outside at Village Bakery in Woodside, CA. I had a Pink Lady cocktail and derived tremendous joy from the hot pink color in my mom’s hair.
I turned to Zeke and said, “I think I’m done preparing for our trip. I don’t think I need to do anything more before we go except pack.” He was overjoyed but also skeptical. He’s grown pretty accustomed to the anxious over functioning woman he married 28 years ago.
We ran a few errands on the way home and took a nap before packing which took about 20 minutes, including capturing shitty footage for a never-to-be released packing video.
I decided not to plan for every possible situation, and I decided to assume that everything would work out. I also decided not to pack more than I needed which I tend to do ‘just in case.’
After getting my roots touched up and my hair cut, we welcomed our Trusted Housesitters Alena and Denis who will be staying at the house for the next two months.
I encountered a Dropbox storage issue and rather than panicking, I took a few breaths, set it aside, and enjoyed dinner with them. The previous-day me would have totally freaked out about this and I would be lying if I said I was totally calm about it. I had to tell myself it would be ok, took a series of breaths, and tackled the issue after an enjoyable couple of hours on the back patio getting to know them. And then I went to bed.
I woke up feeling that I should be stressed out because we are heading out of town for 2 weeks, leaving our house and animals with complete strangers, back for 36 hours, and then gone until December 3rd. I took a series of breaths and talked myself off the ledge. Zeke wasn’t stressed out (he generally isn’t) and I didn’t need to take on something that wasn’t necessarily real, nor was it mine to take on.
Over my first cup of coffee, I resolved the Dropbox issue, and then did a little craft project involving printing, cutting and gluing resulting in the cute bingo cards for each of the cities we are off to visit: Munich, Vienna, Prague, Stockholm, and Gdansk. They are silly and fun and just what I needed to lighten up as I attempt to stop waiting for something bad to happen.
My friend Mark worked some magic and got us upgraded to business class on the way to Munich. Zeke and I are in the ‘honeymoon’ seats where the divider comes down between the two seats. I’m looking forward to snuggling up next to him after getting some work done on the plane (there’s always something more to write or research!).
My natural paranoid inclination is to worry about whether the plane will need to be changed, and we will lose our seats. But I am trying on a new behavior by taking more breaths and refocusing my mind. There’s nothing I can do about it unless (unlikely) it happens at which point I trust I can figure it out. Worrying simply wastes good energy that could be better spent, or saved, for something better. As my dad always told me, ‘worry is interest you pay on a debt you may never owe.’
But if you are like me this anxiety is not just mental, it’s physical which is where the breathing comes into play. My hope is that if I practice this enough, that I might be re-regulate my nervous system and avoid it all together. A lofty goal, yes, but quite necessary.
And with that, it’s time for another glass of champagne with this handsome man, and a few minutes staring out at the planes as they take off on runway 28. I am not going to worry about overhead space, or flight delays, or some other flight confusion.
It’s going to be alright because this kid is alright.
Oh, and hop on over to IG to follow Zeke and Terri Adventures, sign up on our website for Postcards from the Road and subscribe to our YouTube channel for our travel adventure videos. This month we are releasing Madison, Milwaukee and Chicago from last month’s travels. There’s plenty over there to keep you entertained.
May you find peace, acceptance, and love today as you navigate being human.
With much love and gratitude,
Terri
This week’s song: Just Dance by Lady Gaga.
Why this song? Lady Gaga released a new album to accompany her role as Harley Quinn which has gotten me back to listening to her older music. Just Dance is a vibe and encourages one to just let go and be.
Journal prompt / reflection: How can I be more pronoid, and less paranoid?
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